"What Can You Say When One Of the Main Heroes In Your Life Dies?" by Ralph Zuranski

What is appropriate to say about my mom after she dies and moves on to her great rewards in heaven. It is difficult to honor Winifred Zuranski as one of the major heroes in my life, who inspired me to create the “In Search Of Heroes Program” to encourage children to realize the true heroes are their parents and grandlparents.

Words cannot express my gratitude and love. Her continued moral and financial support, encouragement and generosity over the last 60 years for her husband, three children, Denise, Sue and Ralph and three grandchildren, Tess, Tracy and Mikele, was simply amazing. After all, any woman that could stand being a good wife, caring mom and outstanding grandma for so many years deserves to go straight to heaven.

Winifred Zuranski passed away on April 16, 2007 at 5:12 PM. I had the unique opportunity to work with nurse Nancy, one of the dedicated hospice workers, to change her diaper, clean her body with a warm washcloth, and clear her mouth as much as possible of the mucous that streamed from her lungs in a never-ending flow. Congestive heart failure, in its final stage is not a pretty sight. My mom did everything she could to survive as long as possible, but in the end, 90 years of living produced the final verdict… death by asphyxiation. She was a fighter and never gave up. Even in the end she struggled to take one last breath.

I appreciate everything that the doctors, nurses, paramedics and hospice workers did for my mom and continue to do for my dad.As many of you know, I’ve been taking care of both my mom and dad for almost 3 years. They suffered catastrophic illnesses within three months of each other. In March of 2004, my mom suffered from congestive heart failure and pneumonia at the same time. She could not believe that this had happened to her. It was a cruel twist of fate.

My dad did the best he could to take care of her but three months later on May 23, 2004 while I was in Austin, photographing and running the PowerPoint presentations at the “Ted Nicholas Copywriting Seminar,” my dad had a stroke that partially paralyzed his left side and swallowing mechanism. It was a huge decision to put the “In Search Of Heroes Program” on hold.

Sometimes, the promise you make when you’re younger to take care of your folks when they get older and cannot take care of themselves involves more responsibility and self-sacrifice than you ever imagined. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life to move back to San Diego with my wife Janet to take care of mom and dad 24 hours a day seven days a week. After all, I wouldn’t be a very good son or role model for the “In Search of Heroes Program” if I did not follow through on my word.

Over the last three years, both my mom and dad have suffered one catastrophic event after another. I believe there is something seriously wrong with a health care system that prolongs life with drugs, surgery and other forms of therapy that sacrifice the quality of life for quantity.

What reason is there to live if all the activities you love are eliminated one after another, along the pathway to total dependence on others? How much pain does a person need to endure to take one labored breath after another, trapped inside your home, if your have a caring family, or sentenced to a slow agonizing death in an assisted nursing care facility?

I used to think that when a person dropped dead, it was such a tragedy. Now I truly believe that when you die in your sleep, it is a great blessing, not only for that person, but for the family as well.

I would’ve bet dimes to dollars neither my dad or mom would live to see the new year…2007. Both my mom and dad went on hospice, about six months ago, because the doctor realized they were nearing the end of their lives. The emergency room doctors and nurses and hospice workers, chaplains, bath ladies and house cleaners have been a godsend. Their kind and compassionate care for my mom and dad in their final days has been exceptional. Their concern and support for my wife and myself has been priceless. “All the people involved with hospice are saints!!!!!!

But, everything was not so rosey from the beginning. After 30 years of professional health research, I cannot tell you how frustrated and disappointed I was when my parents decided to follow the conventional medical pathway. My mom was a old-time nurse who firmly believed in the medical establishment of her day.

I believe things could have been so different and the quality of life so much better if simple natural health therapies were included during their lifetimes. Many of the Health Heroes that I have interviewed could have helped my parents with their valuable therapies.

But, it was my parents’ right to choose how they would live during their final days, after the catastrophic illnesses damaged their lives. An important part of being a kind and compassionate child is to give your parents the freedom of choice. They deserve dignity and respect to their dying day.

If you are in a similar situation or expecting to be so in the days to come, you may benefit from the secrets we have learned over the last three years. If you are a part of the “Babyboomer” generation, you will be facing taking care of your parents and maybe even your grandkids or adult children in the near future…usually without any warning.

I have to admit, we have learned a lot from our mistakes. There are many things I wish I would have known at the beginning that I know now. Ignorance is not bliss when you are taking care of one or both ill parents. It is possible to make your life and that of your parents as long and as enjoyable as possible if you learn from our experiences.

Every person can inprove the quality of their life and protect their finances if they learn the secrets we discovered that keep you healthy, happy and productive while you do the same for your loved ones.

To be continued…