Stephen is a classical rags-to-riches story. He used to be a gang member and actually got shot. I think he still carries around part of the bullet in his leg. It’s incredible just how successful he has become.
He is actually a consultant now for many of the big Fortune 500 Companies. He has his own creativity and innovation facility where they actually train individuals. He’s been a speaker at too many seminars to mention.
I first saw him at the Big Seminar and was very impressed with his story. How are you doing today, Stephen?
Stephen Pierce: Doing very well. Thank you for having me. How are you?
Ralph: I’m doing well. I need to ask you a few questions. When was the lowest point in your life and how did you change your life path to one of victory over all obstacles?
Stephen: Lowest point? Wow! I would probably say when I think about where I’ve come from as far as the lowest point. I don’t have a college education or a college degree, if you will. I don’t have a high school diploma. I dropped out of high school, more like I got kicked out of high school because I was a big troublemaker.
I ended up being homeless for like three months. I filed bankruptcy twice. They threw out the second bankruptcy because I filed it too close to the first one and I didn’t know about the rules that you can’t file them too close to each other.
Like you were saying, I was running the streets. I used to be a drug dealer and I ended up getting shot. It was a close call because the gun was being held to my head, but as more ruckus started to break out he turned and lowered the gun, and as he was running he fired into my right leg and that bullet is still lodged there today.
I actually went to the hospital. You know, you have this guy that’s off the streets with no insurance cards or anything they were like, “Well, it’s better to leave the bullet in where it is right now. It would probably cause more trouble or damage if we went in and tried to pull it out.”
But that was pretty much, “You don’t have insurance to pay for it and we’re not going to do it.” I wasn’t paying them cash for it or anything like that.
I went through that. Then there was this horrible thing in my life. I got to the point where I felt this, “You know what? My life was pretty much destined to be a part of that group that never does anything good, that is always going to be experiencing poverty. That is always going to be experiencing trouble.”
I was supposed to be the opposite. I got to a point where I felt like, “I’m supposed to be the guy that those who are successful look at and then appreciate their lives much more.” It didn’t have to be that way, I was feeling that way.
I remember one time I was in the house and somebody that was really dear to me looked at me and said, “Everything you touch turns to dust.”
Ralph: Wow!
Stephen: That was devastating to me.
For me it was a huge mental battle and an emotional battle because I tried to find some kind of reference point that I could look at and say, “You know what, that is not true because I did this good. I did that good.”
I’m sure there were some little moments in my life up to that point where that was so, but all these big things just hit me like a hurricane.
In my brain it was almost like, “You know, you’re right. All these different things that I did were complete failures. I’m nothing but trouble.”
I got our family evicted when we were young because I was just causing trouble in the neighborhood. You know it is pretty bad when they say, “Listen you’re evicted, not because you are not paying your rent, but we are tired of that tyrant of a kid that you have. You guys gotta go!”
Ralph: Wow!
It just got really, really bad. I still remember that because it was more so a violent thing because I ended up fighting a bunch of the lifeguards that were on duty at a swimming pool. They had the pool pass and that’s how they knew that I was one of the people. Some of the other guys that were equally involved they kind of got off and got away with it.
But I think all these things come to kind of accumulated to a low point being in my life. Being not just one specific moment, but this extended moment where it wasn’t just a day or days or weeks.
It was more like months where I was just going through this process of trying to figure out what in the world am I going to do with my life. I think one of the turning points was when I really started to wake up was after I got shot.
It was at the Moses H. Cone Hospital out in Greensboro, North Carolina because that’s where I ended up getting shot at. I was sitting there thinking, “You know what? I could be dead right now. I could be sitting over there and lying in the morgue on a cold slab as opposed to up here in a hospital about to get released in about a week or so.”
After being discharged from the hospital my dad, one of the reverends from the church I was going to and my brother drove down to get me. I had some time to reflect to try to figure out, “What is it I want to do with my life?”
I had some people that were telling me, “You know what? You are brilliant but you are using your brilliance for evil, if you will. You are doing things that are hurting people. You are doing things that are hurting yourself and people are just wondering if you are wanting to live to see 19 or 20 years old.”
I was living life fast. I was running down the wrong streets and running with the wrong crowds. I didn’t have a sense of direction for myself and I was kind of following people who obviously didn’t have a sense of direction for themselves, because they were just following other people and it all led to these negative things.
I got into reading the Bible and then I got into reading other books like Think and Grow Rich, Success through a Positive Mental Attitude and those kinds of books. I started to think a little bit differently about what is possible.
When I was reading Think and Grow Rich, I was looking at how all these other people kind of had a great deal of failure in their life before they experienced success.
I started to think, “You know what? Maybe everything that I’ve gone through that is bad is not this huge signal or this huge sign that is kind of like letting me know that you’re destined to be a failure. But that it is something that is normal and I just need to figure out what success actually looks like.” Not just,” What do I ultimately want to become, not just what do I ultimately want to achieve?” which was important but in getting there, “What is this going to actually look like?”
I think many times in our lives we set up, “I want to accomplish this. I want to do this and I want to do that.”
So we kind of have this inner result in mind. We know where we want to go, but we don’t get there because we don’t understand what that road looks like. We don’t understand what it is supposed to look like to get to where it is we ultimately want to be.
We don’t know what the experience is going to be like. So when these winds start coming and beating up against our houses and these fires start to come into our lives, all this adversity, people will look at it as an omen or a sign from God that, “You’re not supposed to be doing this.”
Or something that’s saying, “You’re beating up the wrong tree,” or something. In actuality, being that I haven’t graduated from school, I haven’t taken that many tests, but I know that for somebody to get a degree in anything there is a large amount of tests that they have to take before they can graduate.
In life it is pretty much the same thing. Before you can move vertically to that next level in life, where you want to go and ultimately reach those dreams and goals and that level of fulfillment that you may define in material senses as far as cars, houses, money and whatever.
To get to those points there are certain tests that you have to take. I started to look at this. In my life I started to change my perspective. I started to look at different analogies.
For example, the purpose of fire to gold; fire is there to purify gold. I started to look at that and look at the different things that started to happen to me.
I got on this path. I said, “You know what? I’m going to try to start a business.”
I tried to start some businesses but they just didn’t really work out. Like 12 different businesses that I was looking to get into completely failed. But it wasn’t that bad.
In the beginning it was horrible, because I just didn’t understand, “Well, what in the world was going on?”
Then I kind of got it. I got it and I understood that nobody in life sets out to go into business and says, “I want this thing to be a complete failure.” But it’s going to happen because that is just how life is.
You are going to have these things, but it just moves you closer to where you ultimately want to go. From that experience you gain certain wisdom, certain knowledge and certain understanding that you are not going to be able gain otherwise.
You aren’t going to get it from books. You aren’t going to be able to get it from a coach. You aren’t going to be able to get it through any other means except that hands on experience which makes you sharper and prepares you for that next level and that next venture that you are going to pursue.
I started to understand that these different things that were beating up against my life were more like the fire that was there to purify the gold, or the pressure on the rocks that bring forth the diamonds, or those strong winds that beat against the trees that makes for the strongest trees and the strongest lumber.
I started to get this better understanding of how to look at the different things in my life that were pretty painful at one point. It wasn’t like it was easy, it just got easier to deal with.
I developed a little bit more enthusiasm because I understood what it was all starting to come together and mean. That is a long answer to your question. It was an extended period of time, it wasn’t just this one moment.
But I think it was probably like two and a half, three years of being at an extreme low, trying to figure out what to do, taking stuff to a pawn shop. I was homeless for like three months. I mean, it was pretty rough.
Ralph: So you really think that the people you hang around with have a big impact on your life?
Stephen: Oh, absolutely. We like to look at it like the third influence. If you look at what you need to create water, you have two hydrogen molecules right? If you add what to it you have water? You add oxygen, right? You’ll have water, but if you add sulfur you are going to have something completely different.
Ralph: That’s true.
Stephen: You are going to have what is called a stinky gas. If you look at that and you look at you and what you ultimately want to become, being those two hydrogen molecules and I know that I’m simplifying this. Those who are probably really good at biology or science or whatever, they would probably be able to give you more details on the whole process. I’m just simplifying it.
Look at you and where you ultimately want to go with these two hydrogen molecules. Let’s just say that what you ultimately want to become in life is water. That means you cannot have any wrong influences in the sense of anything other than what is required for you to get to where you want to go. Something other than oxygen is not going to get you to become water, right?
Ralph: Yes.
Stephen: So, yes. The people that we allow in our lives and not just the people we allow in our lives, but the other things we allow to influence us. What we watch on TV, what we listen to by the way of music and different things like that.
I’m not trying to say that music is an evil thing or television is an evil thing, but those things impact us, how we think, what we think about all the time.
The things that we have just flooding our minds throughout the day, the things that we start to think about and daydream about, they start to influence our actions and our judgments and all these different things and our emotions. Ultimately they impact our results.
Ralph: You really had a lot of setbacks in your early life. How important is it to take a positive view of setbacks, misfortunes and mistakes?
Stephen: I think it is really important. I think one thing that’s kind of almost like a handicap in learning and understanding life is that when we are taught to learn traditionally, it is almost like we are not permitted to make a mistake.
Making a mistake is wrong. You know, failure equals something that is wrong. It really shouldn’t be that way. Failure equals learning. Setbacks equal learning.
I mean you are supposed to learn from those. I think some of our greatest wisdom comes from not when we win, not when we do things right, but when we do things wrong.
Even when you do something wrong, you have to understand failure because people say, “Well, you know, if you have a setback, you have failure. You have to press, press, press, press, press and be persistent.”
That stuff’s true, but that’s true to a certain extent. If you experience a failure in your life, the thing you need to do is understand why you failed. Understand why it didn’t work. Understand why the outcome you have is the outcome that you have so that you can extract the wisdom, the knowledge, and the understanding from that to go on and improve for the next time out.
If you don’t understand why you failed, if you will, then you can just keep pressing and doing the exact same thing that’s just never going to work. So you’re just pressing forward and forward and forward with this same pattern of doing things that are not going to work.
Failure sometimes can mean you need to take a different path. Failure may mean try a different approach. Failure may mean you need some assistance. Failure may mean, “You know what? You need to drop this all together.”
I think it is up to us to understand what the message is that is sending to us and extract that wisdom from there and then go ahead and press on. I wouldn’t recommend anybody press on with failure if they don’t understand why something didn’t work out.
One of the best things that can happen to us is to have things not work out and then understand why they don’t work out. That’s what helps us to go forward and kind of create and shape the lives that we ultimately want to have.
Everybody’s going to experience failure. I don’t care where you are in your life, you are always going to have challenges. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, what kind of celebrity you have, or what kind of celebrity you are aiming for you are going to always have these challenges.
So there’s no need to be shocked and surprised if something goes wrong or something doesn’t go as planned. That’s like par for the course, that’s going to happen.
Instead of being surprised, you should always be prepared to learn from every situation even if you do something right. If you do something right, why did it work? If you did something and it did not work, why didn’t it work?
You should always constantly be asking yourself those kinds of questions. That way you can understand your strengths and your weaknesses as far as yourself goes.
What those strengths are, you want to continue to build on those, and whatever those weaknesses are, you want to minimize them or you want to offset them with some kind of partnership or somebody else in your life some kind of coach, or you want to try to look to strengthen those things up.
The only way you are going to find out what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are is if you take the time to ask the questions based on your experience and these different results you’re getting in your life, both good and bad or even indifferent.
Asking yourself the kinds of questions that will allow you to take a closer look at why things are turning out the way they are turning out.
Ralph: That is sort of like a trial and error experience, isn’t it? How important is it to be an optimist while you are going through all the trial and error?
Stephen: I think you have to be optimistic. You have to remain driven. You have to get that momentum and then keep that momentum.
We like to tell people, “May the momentum be with you.”
We say that because when you get momentum in your life and you have things going and you have things clicking, that is one of the most important things you can have.
I think part of getting momentum is being optimistic because there is going to be a lot of things that will come and jolt you and take you by surprise. You just have to allow yourself to be prepared with them and be like water.
Be very fluid and be very flexible and be willing to adapt, because change happens so fast. You can’t go through life being rigid.
I think one part of being flexible and fluid is remaining optimistic and focused, yet being flexible in how you want to accomplish different things.
I think one of the things that traps us with optimism is that we will be optimistic about the ends and the means. What I mean is that you have this ultimate thing that you want to achieve, whether it is material or otherwise. You’re really optimistic. You know that you can accomplish this so you are setting up to get it.
You’re also optimistic about this very specific method or path or way that you are going to accomplish it. It can be a business opportunity. It can be a very specific relationship. It can be anything, but you are very focused on that. You are optimistic about that one thing.
If anything happens to that and that one thing and it doesn’t work, your life just comes crumbling down. What needs to happen is, remain optimistic and strategically focused on that end result, where it is that you ultimately want to go.
Understand that once you know where it is that you want to head to, once you understand the ends, there are multiple means of getting to this, multiple ways to accomplish what it is that you want to accomplish.
Sure, when you find a way or multiple ways that you are going to use to get there, be fully committed to that. Get to it and get it going.
However, if one of those things doesn’t work out, or if the feedback you are getting is telling you to make some adjustments or make some shifts and do something different, then quickly go ahead and do that.
Remain optimistic about the big picture. You have to keep that optimism and that has to come internally from within, that fire that burns from within that keeps you driven and that keeps you going on.
Sometimes you are not going to have those cheerleaders on the side that are telling you that you can do it and that are rooting you on.
I think that if we allow much of our identity and our tribe to be attached to those people that are external, that are around us on the outside and what they say, how they look at us, how they feel about us, what they are saying about us behind our backs, if that’s what we’re going to allow to determine if we are going to be optimistic or pessimistic, driven or not driven, motivated or de-motivated or whatever, then you are going to be in huge trouble.
You cannot control what people think about you. You cannot control what people say about you. I mean, you can feel as if, “Well, I can control what people think about you because if I am a good person and I do these great things, then people are going to think great things about me.” Not really.
People perceive the world completely different. You can be a great person, but if you are so annoying to some people, [Laughter] they just think negatively of you and think badly of you regardless of the good things you do.
We have to make sure that when we talk about being optimistic, you are not being optimistic based on what people are thinking about you. It is like, “Well, if I have the public approval or if I have the unanimous approval or the majority approval of my friends and peers, then I’m going to be optimistic and I’m going to be motivated.”
That’s not the way to do it because now you are allowing yourself to be emotionally driven by those people outside of you. You’re giving your complete emotional control over to other people and that is not the way to be successful in life.
Yeah, they impact us, but understand that you can have complete control over your emotions, complete control over your focus. You should understand and continue to focus on the center and the azimuths of your life that you can control.
Of course we want people to liking us. It serves our ego and of course, it helps with our identity and different things like that. That’s fine and that’s natural. I’m not saying that it’s not a part of who we are, but you can’t allow it to be a huge part of your life to the point that it’s going to determine how you feel at any given moment.
That if people don’t feel good about you or if they think negatively of you, then you are no longer going to be optimistic, which means that you are no longer going to be driven to get done what it is that you ultimately want to do.
Ralph: Well, it seems that a person would have to have a tremendous amount of courage to pursue ideas or choose their path in life when everybody around them doesn’t want them to change. What do you think about that?
Stephen: Say that again.
Ralph: Does it take a tremendous amount of courage to pursue new ideas or a new path in life when all the people around you want you to remain the same so that they don’t have to change?
Stephen: I think it takes commitment. Commitment to where it is you ultimately want to go and the belief that you can get there. Not allowing your belief system to be attached to other people and know that you are going to have people grind up against you.
Learn something from that. Don’t allow it to discourage you, don’t allow it to derail you from where it is that you ultimately want to go.
They are going to be them. How they feel, what they think and what they do is a reflection on them, it is not a reflection on you. Although, I think at times we can learn a lot about ourselves from the feedback that we get from people.
But if people are trying to keep you trapped into a person that you used to be, maybe you used to be a bad person like I used to be or you used to do things that were wrong and that’s what people are accustomed to. So you’re trying to make this change, they may sneer at you and they may think negatively of you or they may say things that seem to try to keep you trapped in the past.
As you try to progress and move forward, every reference they make to you is always about something that you used to do, that old person that you are moving away from. Or, they just want to kind of keep you trapped into what they consider to be the ideal person that best fits the relationship they want to have with you.
That is fine for them. It is not okay for you. I say it is fine for them because you have to resolve and understand that you cannot control what people think, what people feel, and what other people want from you.
It is like, “Okay, that’s fine for them.”
Allow yourself to just let that go and release any kind of tension or frustration that you may have about what other people think about you because you can’t control it. The worst thing you can do is go through your life trying to adjust yourself to please other people.
There is a quote from Bill Cosby. He said, “I don’t know the secret to success, but I know the way to fail is to try to please everybody.”
The one thing that you don’t want to do is to try to please everybody. Again, understand what your values are. Understand what your mission is in life. Know why you exist in life beyond the fact that your mom and dad brought you into this world.
What is this greater purpose for you in your life other than you want to make money? That is a given. People want to make money. But what is it that you are going to contribute by the way of value to a group of people somewhere, that’s going to allow you to extract this amount of wealth that you’re looking to get?
Allow yourself to be driven and focused on that and know that if you do not pursue that mission, if you do not adhere to the values that you have in your life, there are going to be a lot of people who are going to suffer because you didn’t accomplish what it is you needed to accomplish so you could touch and affect their lives.
Stay focused and know that life doesn’t roll out the red carpet for anybody. The moment you set your eyes on something, the moment that you decide that you’re going to be fully committed to something, the tests are going to start to roll in.
So you might as well just throw up your guard and play both defense and offense, because that’s the way you’re going to need to be to make it in life.
Don’t think that because you’re committed, because you’re a good person, or because you’re a Christian, or because you read your Bible, because you pray, or because you have discord with people that love you, that life is going to just feed you everything you want with a silver spoon.
I think having the right attitude and engaging in the right processes as far as visualization, understanding what your beliefs are, being congruent as far as what you believe with your actions and everything else, I believe that can help accelerate you getting there. But, you’re going to still have tests.
It’s interesting. The tests become much easier to deal with and understand the tests when you’re in the right frame of mind. I think that right frame of mind can be stimulated by being optimistic consistently and understanding that you are here for a greater cause.
Anybody who is trying to prevent you from getting to where you ultimately want to be, that’s going to help impact and change other people’s lives, may have disqualified themselves for a relationship.
There is a quote from one of my mentors, Mike Murdock that says, “People are like currents. Relationships are like currents. They’re taking you towards the pit or they’re taking you towards the palace.”
You have to kind of evaluate your relationships and understand the relationships that you have. Where are they moving you towards? The people in your life, are they making deposits or are they making withdrawals? Who are the people who are just sucking the life out of you and not contributing anything back?
You have to make some hard decisions at times to understand the relationships you need to cut back or completely cut off for the sake of the vision, for the sake of the mission, and for the sake of the greater cause and the reason and purpose that you’re here for and the things that you ultimately want to achieve and contribute to life.
Ralph: So how important is it? Do you think people need to realize that they’re going to experience discomfort in the pursuit of their dream?
Stephen: I could barely hear that question. Say that again.
Ralph: How important do you think it is for people to realize that they’re going to experience a lot of discomfort in the pursuit of their dreams?
Stephen: I think it’s important that they understand that it’s kind of like getting in shape. I don’t know too many people that either became body builders or became superior athletes, and they did it within their comfort zone.
You have to get in the gym, you have to sweat, you’ll have some aches and pains, you’ll be tired. I’m not saying that being successful is identical to that kind of workout, but the things that they have that are similar, is that it doesn’t happen sitting on the couch in the comfort zone.
You don’t get in shape, you don’t become a superior athlete sitting on your couch channel surfing. You have to get in the gym. You have to get out there and practice and that may cause some discomfort. It may cause some physical discomfort. It may cause some mental discomfort. It may cause some discomfort just within the realm of time.
You prefer to be doing something else that’s more comfortable and mindless. Like maybe watching TV or something like that, as opposed to doing something that may be more mentally taxing and physically taxing. Like some kind of physical exercise or some kind of mental work that’s required to progress your business, or whatever it is you’re doing towards the objectives that you have. But there are some trade-offs.
What are you willing to trade off to get to where it is you want to go? You just can’t have it both ways. If you want to sit back and relax and kick back with your umbrella martinis, or whatever, on the beach but you don’t have any money, what sense does that make? If you want to be able to kick back, go fishing all day, okay, fine.
But push yourself to the point where you will not only appreciate that, but you deserve that because of the value that you provided to a lot of people. To do that, it’s going to take some time and it’s going to be uncomfortable, but that’s okay.
I kind of see it like if you’re doing something that seems to be way too easy maybe you’re doing something wrong. If you’re doing something and you start to come up against some difficulties, it’s not the rule but I’d be willing to say maybe you’re doing something right.
I don’t always want to be right when I’m doing something. I don’t want things to always be easy. I don’t feel as if I’ve learned. Now I’m not saying like bring on the heat. Nobody likes it because it makes you feel uncomfortable.
But you accept the fact that you’re going to have discomfort to get where it is you want to go. It’s not that you like it but that you accept that this is part of the process.
Again, like we were talking about earlier, knowing where you want to ultimately go is only part of the equation. What does the road look like to get there? You have to understand what it looks like to get there so when you start to run up against these different things, it’s not this strange occurrence or experience.
But it’s like, “You know what? I was expecting that to happen so bam let’s do it.”
It’s like if you’re a quarterback in a football game. Yeah, you know who the mark is, you know who the receiver is, you’re going to throw to him, but you know what? If somebody picks off that ball, you knew that that was a possibility so you instantly have the player there. You know what you do? You shift the defense immediately.
You shift the defense immediately and then you run your defensive plays to get back on offense. But if you were just sitting there and had absolutely no idea that that was possible, the whole team is just sitting there in shock, just stunned or paralyzed. Nobody’s moving.
The guy that caught the interception has run it back for a touchdown. You don’t want that to happen in your life, you know what I mean? So understand what the road looks like to getting there.
What all these other options are, what the other alternatives are, and what are the possibilities on the plus side and on the minus side? Look at everything.
It’s like I was talking about earlier. Look at your strengths and weaknesses and also look at the opportunities and the threats. Everything that you can possibly see in your spiritual or your physical peripheral vision. See everything, anticipate, predict and design your future and understand that all these different things are possible to happen.
I’m not going to focus on the negative. But if something happens it’s not going to take me by surprise and I’m just going to roll with it, because I know what the path looks like to get to where I want to go.
Ralph: How important is it to believe your dreams will become reality?
Stephen: If you don’t believe in your dreams then you’re not going to be driven. I think your belief system is kind of like the motor in the car. It’s one of the things that are going to drive you to getting to where it is you want to go, because if you don’t have the beliefs to support the fact that you can transfer this dream that you have into reality, then why put in the work? Why put in the time? Why put in the effort? Why put in the tears? Why put in the sweat?
If you don’t really fully believe that this is going to happen, that there’s going to be an ultimate payoff, not just for you, but it’s going to be a payoff for the people that are going to benefit from this value that you’re going to bring, then why even go forward and do anything?
So I think belief is an absolute given. I think one thing you can do to intensify your belief, is to take some time to sit back and visualize with a great deal of intensity, view experiencing what it is you want to achieve in the here and now. Not in the later sense of, “Well it’s going to happen some day.”
But allow yourself to experience it today because the mind can’t distinguish something that was actually experienced with something that was virtually experienced.
I think it’s a great idea to take that time to experience it in your body right now, and your emotions. Just enjoy the moment. There’s something that’s really compelling about doing that.
I don’t know all the science behind it, the spiritual laws behind it or anything like that. What I’m saying is it’s something that’s been proven to work and it’s something that makes you feel absolutely amazing after you’ve done it just once.
Then it just compounds and it compacts as you start to do it over and over and over and over again. The way it just stacks up and the intensity that you feel as far as the belief that you can actually do it.
You start to get to the point where you’re living your life as if you’ve already achieved it. It doesn’t make it easier but it seems like you accelerate yourself towards where it is you want to go. Some of the things that would have probably been difficult to deal with along the way, become a little bit easier to deal with.
Ralph: How are you able to overcome your doubts and fears?
Stephen: I pretty much accept the fears and I accept the doubts. I forgot somebody that said it but they said that you can’t stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from it from building a nest on it.
What that means is, regardless of how confident you are, regardless of how driven you are and how deeply ingrained the beliefs are that you can accomplish something, you’re going to still have your moments of doubt and you’re going to still have your fears.
That’s because it’s natural and you’re natural and you’re human. I think that’s an organic part of our emotional system. You can have every reason in the world to be 100% confident and not have a single doubt. But you’re going to have your points in time where you’re going to have these doubts that come. You’re going to have these fears that come.
And because to get through this these quick emotional impulses and responses to different things, whether you feel them emotionally or they drop into your mind mentally like some kind of doubts just start to seep into your mind or some kind of emotional tension that you may feel from a fear that just appeared, that’s fine.
I don’t really believe in fighting that. I just believe in just you know what? It is what it is but you do not have to allow yourself to grip that and embrace it and then make it a part of you.
When that thought of doubt comes you don’t have to capture that thought and then sit there and let it become a seed planted in your mind that uproots into your heart and your emotions and your nervous system, where ultimately that one quick thought of doubt which you could have just let go, you allow to build a nest in your life.
Now it’s holding you back from becoming what you ultimately want to become. It’s the same thing with your fears. Understand that yes, you’re going to be afraid of certain things and fear has its role.
I don’t think too many people, because of fear, are going to run across a highway of speeding traffic in fear of getting slammed by a car and ultimately possibly dying. So fear has its role. Fear protects us at times but fear can also hold us back from becoming what it is we want to become.
So understand there’s going to be fears that you know you have but do it anyway. That’s the whole thing. I think courage is not about controlling the fear. It’s about understanding the fear and doing what it is you need to do anyway. I don’t think courage is ultimately about being fearless.
I think fearless itself doesn’t mean the person is without fear. I think fearless is that the person understands the fear and they press through it anyway because they know that this is something they absolutely must do to accomplish what it is they want to accomplish.
Ralph: You’ve been through a lot in your life. Who helped give you the willpower to change your life for the better?
Stephen: I read my Bible a lot. I’m very spiritually connected. I understand there’s a greater purpose for my life. There’s a greater mission for my life. I love to have fun but I also love to make sure that I’m making a contribution to people and understand what that contribution is.
So I remain entirely driven by my relationship with the Lord. I remain driven by understanding that I’m here for a reason to help contribute to other people and make other people’s lives better. When I see that happen, I become incredibly driven.
Some people give us testimonials and they call and they give us feedback. They benefit from dealing with us, doing business with us. There’s nothing greater than that.
Getting paid for different things is amazing. To be able to be in the position that we’re in, the end result. Because I don’t really believe in being paid for something that the value is not delivered in. People don’t feel as if they got whatever it is they paid for.
I believe that if you’re going to be paid for something, exceed what the expectations are. Define what the expectations are. Then completely exceed them so they become overwhelmed with the amount of value that you gave them that was far above and beyond what it was they expected.
I believe that’s the way to live and that’s one of the things that constantly keeps me driven. Then there’s my wife, you know, family and all those things together, it’s like life is wonderful. You understand what it is you’re here to do and you get locked into that.
Ralph: How important is it to forgive the people that upset, offend and oppose you?
Stephen: How important is it to?
Ralph: For forgiveness.
Stephen: Lack of forgiveness only hurts you. I believe that when you hold un-forgiveness in your heart you may feel as if you’re hurting them but ultimately two things. One, you’re hurting yourself. Two, they’re having emotional control over you. I don’t believe too many people want to walk around feeling bottled up and feeling the pain of harboring un-forgiveness.
But we do it because we feel as if we have to hold onto this, because what they did to us was just so wrong that you just cannot forgive them. Well you know what? We can have this huge amount of emotional intensity about something somebody did. But get over it.
Don’t allow that one moment in time to destroy, distract and derail your life as you continue to hold and harbor this un-forgiveness. Just let it go, and allow yourself to be clear and let every channel within your life to just flow with love and forgiveness. When we do something wrong, don’t we want people to forgive us?
Ralph: Sure.
Stephen: Well of course. With the same justice that we want to given to us it’s the same justice that we should give to somebody else. Whether they did it deliberately, intentionally or they did it accidentally. Understand that people make mistakes.
Some mistakes are bigger than others. Some mistakes can impact us more so than others, but it’s still a mistake. Or maybe it was done deliberately because they don’t like you. In either case do not allow that incident in life to become an emotional chokehold on you that it prevents you from functioning to your maximum capacity and optimum levels because you’re harboring this un-forgiveness.
It’s best to just let it go. Plus, un-forgiveness is really spiritually and physically unhealthy. People actually get sick from harboring too much un-forgiveness. So it’s best to just let it go.
Otherwise regardless of how many days you move forward into your future, you’re going to always be trapped to a part of your past because you’re bringing this un-forgiveness with you.
When you allow yourself to forgive people, bam, that instant that you just clear yourself of it and you allow yourself to be forgiven you don’t have to carry that moment with you into your future. You can just let it go.
Now I’m not saying some people can just instantly let it go mentally or emotionally. Some things are much harder to forgive people of, like somebody killing a loved one or something like that.
You have some people that can forgive those kinds of people instantly. Then there are some people, they feel as if they need to hold onto that un-forgiveness as a way of justice for the person that they’ve lost.
Well you know what? It’s still something that you have to get over because you’ve lost a loved one and that’s painful enough. There’s no need to continue to allow that pain to move forward and allow your own life to be damaged and derailed, because now you’re allowing yourself to be trapped and making one mess become a bigger mess.
Now you become an even bigger casualty as a result. Un-forgiveness, I think it’s a deadly thing. To me, spiritually and emotionally, it’s pretty much just as deadly as procrastination as far as I’m concerned.
Ralph: Wow. Well, do you experience service to others as a source of joy?
Stephen: Do I experience service to others as?
Ralph: A source of joy.
Stephen: Oh absolutely. Absolutely. The fact that this world is filled with people that have needs that want to be filled and the way to allow your personal wealth to be increased, is to find those needs and then to fill those needs.
Then the joy that people get, it’s almost like some people try to start these businesses and stuff, and then they don’t want to do the required work to deliver on the product or services.
They’re like, “Do I have to do this? Do I have to do that?” And different things like that. You know, not really. If you think about it there are a lot of people that would love to be in your position. If you have wealth, they would love to be in that position.
If you are positioned to even have the opportunity to create wealth, there’s a ton of people in the world that would love to be in that position. So no, you don’t have to, you get to do it. It’s an opportunity to do that.
The opportunity to be able to give service to somebody whether it’s some kind of service where you’re trading hours for dollars, or some kind of package service that’s some kind of physical product or whatever the case may be. It may be a service of recommendation.
The fact that you’re able to do that and be compensated for it, it’s an opportunity that many people would kill for that opportunity. So as far as I’m concerned yes, it’s an honor to be able to service people and then to have them feel enough respect and trust to be willing to compensate us for that, it’s a huge opportunity and we love it.
Ralph: What place does prayer have in your life?
Stephen: I pray all the time. To me prayer becomes like a beacon. In the darkest hours when you can see nothing but you can see a beacon blinking, that’s what you’re going to start to move towards because for you it may be a signal of help. It may be a signal of salvation, restoration or salvation or whatever the case may be.
For me, prayer is like driving on a road that has no streetlights. It’s at night, and it’s absolutely pitch black. Prayer to me is not like turning on the headlights to the car, it’s like bringing out the sun in the middle of the darkest night where you can clearly see.
Even if you can’t see, you know that you’re being guided and you’re being led and you’re being directed. So to me prayer is the chief cornerstone of everything there is that I do.
Ralph: Who are the Heroes in your life?
Stephen: Well there are a lot of Heroes. There are a lot of people that I would say that I look up to that I look to model my life after. Who I would like to understand like Mike Murdock. Anthony Robbins would be one, Joel Osteen would another.
People like that. Those are the more modern day people. Of course there are people from long ago like Einstein and who is it? Was it Leonardo?
Ralph: Leonardo Da’Vinci?
Stephen: Da’Vinci. Socrates. There are a lot of different people that were great thinkers of old that were absolute geniuses. I love to study and understand the way that they think because their genius was not in their book smart academics but their genius was found in the way that they think.
I think some of the modern day geniuses are Anthony Robbins, are Joel Osteen. It is Mike Murdock. They’re completely different realms but if you look at them and you understand what it is they do and the way they impact people’s lives and how they do it, I think they’re geniuses.
What you do is you look at those people and you can put them up there as Heroes. I do things like borrow genius where I’ll envision conversations. Then myself taking on different things that I consider to be really good strong points about them.
Then looking at how those can be adapted to my life. Then bringing that together with who I am without allowing it to alter my own personality and what it is I’m ultimately to become.
So those are just some of my Heroes. But there are many people because I read so many books. There are people who’ve written books that I wouldn’t be able to recall their name but their book has impacted me in a certain way.
So while there may be a certain group of people specifically, I leave myself open to wisdom, regardless of where it comes from, because wisdom is wisdom.
If it’s something that’s going to be able to lead and guide and direct your path, and help you to move closer to where it is you ultimately want to be, and provide even greater value to those that you’re providing value to, you might as well pay attention to it.
Ralph: Why are Heroes so important in the lives of young people?
Stephen: Well because young people are highly impressionable. Young people are always looking for somebody that’s going to lead them. Because many of them have not found out who they are, what they ultimately want to be. They haven’t really gotten in touch with their own identity.
Their identity becomes highly impacted by the people that they surround themselves with. By the people they hold up as idols if you will or that they hold up as Heroes. I think that having the right Heroes can make a huge difference on where ultimately many young people go.
I think it’s really, really important. For those that have the ability to influence young people, they should make sure that they have access to information and videos and audios from some of the greatest thinkers of old and of today, because that will help to influence their mind and could ultimately redirect them from what could have been a path of negativity and destruction, to a path of positivity and fulfillment as a positive thing.
Ralph: Do you think there is a group of Heroes or many Heroes in our society that aren’t getting the recognition that they deserve?
Stephen: Sure and I probably couldn’t give them recognition right now because I probably don’t even know who they are. Most of the time people recognize those who reach some kind of public status. They did something that was worthy of being put into the public’s eye.
But if you count how many people are tracked by the media as “celebrities,” it pales in comparison to the number of people that aren’t tracked. So you would have to think that the number of people who’s lives are impacting other people’s lives, far out number the number of people who maybe are making some kind of impact, maybe on television or in print or something like that.
So I would think that,, yeah there’s a ton. I would probably say for every one person that you know about there’s probably 100 that we don’t.
Ralph: Yes, I think that’s probably true. What are your solutions for some of the problems that are facing society today like racism, child and spousal abuse, violence among young people?
Since you were there and you experienced it first hand? What do you think are some good solutions for those problems?
Stephen: Well change happens one person at a time. I know people want to change companies. They want to change racial groups. They want to change different things like that, in groups.
But change happens one person at a time, so each person has to be reached where they are. Maybe through some kind of means of mass customization where we understand where each person is individually. Then on a massive level, deliver to them some kind of customized solution that helps them to deal with where it is they are.
Now, for some people that are maybe filled with hate that want it, that love the hate, maybe there’s not much that can be done for them, because people have to want to change.
Now, for those people that are in despair, that are maybe trapped in anger and rage and maybe they beat their spouse or something like that and they know they’re doing it. They know that it’s wrong but they feel as if they’re out of control emotionally.
Maybe there’s some help that could be given to them. But that kind of stuff happens one person at a time. There are a whole lot of issues that we deal with, not just as a U.S. society, but in the world at large from wars and division, economies. It’s just so much.
I think that if you’d break it down to the smallest level and understand that all these parts make for the whole, and that for the whole to change there’s a requirement for the parts to change.
I think if we all take on the responsibility for dealing with ourselves, because some people are so busy trying to change others, that they themselves are still in cahoots and out of control. They’re not changing the one person they have absolute control over to change, and that’s themselves.
I think one solution is everybody taking a look at themselves. Yeah, a lot easier said than done. But it’s true. Change happens one person at a time. The way to change ten people in the group is to have each individual change. Not try to get ten people in the group and get them all to change as a ten.
Even when you do that, and if change happens in the room, it’s because on an individual basis they decided that they must change, that they want to change and that change is going to happen. They say understand that something must change. You can change it and you will change it.
Maybe in this group setting they see that something must change. They understand that they can change it. They have the power to change it and they make that decision that they will change it. They follow-up that decision with action and they actually create change.
Even still it can be a group, but it happens on an individual level.
Ralph: Yeah. What are the things parents can do that would help their children realize that they too can be Heroes and make a positive impact on the lives of others?
Stephen: I’d say one thing is, well two things, live a life of positivity. I don’t mean disguise the negative, but always, always, always feed positive things into their lives. Give them positive things to see, positive things to hear. Build a relationship with them and don’t allow them to be brought up by the television and brought up by the streets.
Allow them to respect you more and love you and honor you more than they love and honor and respect their friends and their peers on the street. The only way that’s going to happen is through a relationship.
The reason many kids will go out there and respect somebody that’s maybe a year older than them on the street more than they respect their own parents, is because of the relationship and bond that they develop while they’re on the streets with them.
So understand that kids are going to be kids. There are certain things that they want. Build a relationship with them. Ebb and flow with it. Build a relationship and allow them to understand that you know and understand and respect them, but have a close enough relationship where you can influence them and give some kind of input that can create an impact.
You cannot control them. There’s no way you can control them. The only way there seems like there can be parental control is when the child decides to be obedient.
When a child is obedient, big children are obedient out of respect. Some are obedient out of fear. They feel as if, “You know what? I don’t respect you but I’m going to be obedient because I don’t want to live on the streets.”
I would prefer that a child be obedient out of love and respect more so than fear of not being put out on the street. That can be seen in some kids, because when they have an alternate place to go, then the ultimate disrespect shows because now they’re like, “Screw you and kick me out I don’t care,” because they’re going to go live with some friend or whatever.
So I would say build the relationship. Do some activities together. Read some kind of books together. Books that you want them to read, read that book yourself. It’s interesting.
It’s like parents say, “Well, I want you to read this book because it’s going to have an impact on you.”
“Well, did you read the book yourself?” If you want them to read the book, how about you read the book, too, so you can hold some kind of dialogue with them.
It’s almost like, “Well, I don’t want your life to be like mine.”
It’s interesting because your life isn’t over. It doesn’t have to suck forever if you feel as if it sucks. It can improve and if you have a book that you feel is going to help them, read it yourself as well.
Don’t say, “Listen, you need to go read this book,” and then you go flip on the television. You’re telling them to do one thing but they’re looking at what you’re doing, and what you’re doing looks like much more fun so they want to do that, too.
Ralph: Yeah.
Stephen: So I would say develop some kind of system to create impact and change in a relationship with your kids, more so than just kind of like shoving them in a box and saying, “Do what I say but don’t do as I do.”
It’s like, “Well I want you to read this book. This is a great book.”
It’s like saying, “Let’s read the book together and then we’re going to dialogue about it.”
I think in doing it that way the parents will grow as well.
Ralph: Yes, I think you’re probably right. Well Stephen I really appreciate your time. I know how busy you are. I just was really impressed with your life story and just how successful you’ve become. What a great example you are for kids of all ages.
I just really appreciate your time in doing this interview.
Stephen: Thank you Ralph. I appreciate you for having us and if you want to have us again,
just let us know. Thanks a lot.
Ralph: Okay. Thanks a lot.
Stephen: Alright, take care, Ralph, thank you.
Ralph: Bye.
Stephen: Bye.
Stephen Pierce holds a reputation as one of the country’s most dynamic public speakers. Stephen has shared that stage with Bill Cosby, Goldie Hawn, Rudy Giuliani, Michael Phelps, Steve Forbes, Rick Belluzzo, Joe Montana,S. PIERCE 4 Wall St. Journal.004 300×201 About Stephen Pierce Lou Holtz, Terry Bradshaw and many others.
Stephen Pierce regularly travels to deliver presentations about his philosophy on breaking through barriers instead of being beat down by them. Stephen Pierce premiered his new motivational series, Corporate Success Sculpting with Stephen Pierce, at Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment in New York City. The series offers insight into personal empowerment and creative financial thinking.
Of the many insights Stephen offers, here’s his 4 “Do Not’s” of Being Successful
1. Do not allow feelings to overcome reason.
2. Do not allow convenience to overtake your commitment.
3. Do not allow your past to overthrow your future.
4. Do not allow doubt to overrun your faith.
Before founding Stephen Pierce International, Mr. Pierce leveraged the Internet boom to lay the groundwork for success. Skilled at trading futures and commodities, he started sharing his expertise through an e-mail newsletter and, ultimately, a membership site that garnered $500,000 in revenue within the first year. Stephen Pierce continues to provide coaching and mentoring through his various workshops, online video streaming events and his podcast.
Raised in Washington, D.C., Stephen Pierce underwent a turbulent adolescence; after being kicked out of high school, he found himself bankrupt and homeless in Montgomery County Maryland.
Utilizing a borrowed computer, he finally found his niche. Today, he strives to help people sculpting more meaningful lives of success. In addition to inspiring individuals through his Stephen Pierce energized seminars, he employs his abilities in the humanitarian realm. Following Hurricane Katrina, Mr. Pierce facilitated an Internet campaign that raised upwards of $600,000. Other successful fundraising efforts include a Singapore event for Feed The Children, during which Mr. Pierce spent raised $130,000 in front of a live audience in under 4 days.